BDSM aftercare 101

It came to my attention that quite a few fans and followers would love to know about how they could take care of their submissive, after their BDSM play. Aftercare, an extremely important part of BDSM, is sadly overlooked by most couples. Clarisse Thorn wrote: “Being together with an S&M partner during aftercare can be used to free people, to make them feel amazing and establish extraordinary intimacy.”

Why aftercare is important

BDSM activities may drain the submissive’s mental, emotional or physical energy. Because of this, the submissive may feel in need of emotional support, comfort, reassurance, and/or physical tenderness. And although many people seem to think that it’s only the submissive who needs aftercare, this is not true, the dominant may also need some degree of aftercare, depending on various factors like experience, the activities in the scene, and personal preference. In most cases the dominant is the one who tends to run the aftercare.

How to provide aftercare

Aftercare may include expression of love and gratitude towards each other in a verbal way, or in a physical way by cuddling, kissing or skin and hair stroking. You may also choose to discuss the scene, to improve your knowledge about what you both enjoyed, making it even better next time.
Nourishment and hydration is essential, keep a snack supply close by. I tend to go for a piece of chocolate, a piece of fruit, or a granola bar for example. Accompany the snack by a warming or refreshing drink. Be aware that body temperature often drops sharply after play, so provide a soft blanket or cozy bathrobe for some warmth. If you’ve tied your submissive up, a massage will provide some extra comfort.
Make sure to have a close look at any welts or marks, to see if they require any attention. This would also be the right moment to admire the marks together, if that’s your piece of cake. I recommend smoothing on a soothing lotion or gel (we prefer to use hydro-gel, which is also great for fire-hot private parts or rope burn), but there are also submissives who love the ‘after glow’: the warm, glowing feeling on the skin which can be the result of a spanking, whipping or caning.

Putting together a ‘BDSM aftercare kit’

It’s always good to be prepared, so I highly recommend either getting your ‘aftercare kit’ ready before you start the scene, or to have one ready at all times. This is not only practical, but also a wise thing to do for when the submissive might be in need of a little break during play. Here are some ideas of what you might like to include:

  • Small snack
  • Refreshing or warming drink
  • Soothing lotion and/or hydro-gel
  • Soft cotton underwear
  • Blanket or bathrobe
  • Wet-wipes
  • Warm socks

Of course, as with all articles I write, feel free to adjust any of the above to suit your needs better. The things I mentioned are merely suggestions, and most are my personal preferences for an aftercare routine. I’m not by any means telling you how you ‘must’ treat your submissive or dominant, since I’m aware that some kinksters prefer no aftercare at all, but I do sincerely hope that my tips will enhance your BDSM experience.

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