Discovering my kinky side

I was in a relationship that had died a slow death. Aside from all the other problems it contained the sex was vanilla, average, boring, only in the bedroom.. you get the idea. I needed something more, I needed to feel alive. I left that relationship and my old ideas of sex with it. I’d been reading erotica, yes Fifty Shades, but other books too. The thought of the “BDSM world” had previously frightened me. Rope, blindfolds, floggers, chains, gags, hoods, spreader bars. That’s all about pain right? Oh my God that is horrifying! But was it?

Those erotic stories of women submitting to a man sexually were stirring so many thoughts and fantasies within me that I never knew existed. And sure, sometimes there was pain in varying degrees, anything from nipple clamps to caning. However I was starting to see how a little pain could become pleasure to both parties involved. I was seriously getting turned on and couldn’t stop reading, while secretly wanting to try it for myself.

After reading an article in a women’s magazine about a spanking party in New York I started to do some research of my own. The party I read about was civilized, exciting and taboo, to me at least. Googling “spanking parties” in my home city showed no results, to my dismay. I tried Googling BDSM with much more success and came across a website called Fetlife. And so my journey began in earnest as I created a profile to discover if this really was for me, or just a wild sexual fantasy of mine that I’d never be brave enough to try in real life.

I created my name, EllyB, identified myself as submissive and took some sexy photos of myself to upload along with a short profile piece about what I was looking for, what I needed. Needed? Yes I’d decided I needed a huge change from the pressures and responsibilities in my life. I needed to allow myself to submit to someone else completely, to allow myself to give control to someone for a change, I needed to explore that kinky side of mine.

I joined groups, read discussions and started to learn about the “lifestyle”. And that’s the thing I learned, BDSM or kink, can be whatever you want it to be. It can be about a bit of fun in the bedroom to spice up your sex life or it can be an ongoing dynamic between you and someone else that can be part of your daily life if you choose. It encompasses this huge gamut of possibilities that are only limited by your imagination and willingness to leave preconceived ideas and inhibitions behind, along with any judgments you may have, to explore and experience new sensations, emotions and thoughts.

And so with meeting new people online I started to attend munches to meet people in the real world, attend workshops to learn some theory about first time bondage and dated some kinky men to experience kinky sex first hand. All of which have been experiences that have helped me personally to learn, grow, understand and figure out what it is that I really do need. Which it turns out is a little different from where I started, because for me it will be an ongoing journey of self discovery.

P.S. See those buttons, floating on the left? We put them there so it makes it easy for you to share Elly’s personal story. And.. we’d really like it if you would share a bit of your personal story in the comments.

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